I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
