Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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