It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
