I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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