Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
