I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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