wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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