My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
