omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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