A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Porn is love you can see.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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