first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
