dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
