oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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