his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
