im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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