my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
