That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just gift wrapped bread.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
