I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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