i can't believe i had my finger in that
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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