you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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