Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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