So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
