I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
