I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't notice because vodka
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
