I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
