Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
