my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work