mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Semen is not good for contacts.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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