Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..