He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.