Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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