You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
