Soap is not a condiment
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize