I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to calm my uterus...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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