well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
