spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
