so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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