Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
