yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
