I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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