What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
