Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
