Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
