i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
