I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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