I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize