i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
