we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
