I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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