Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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