Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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