So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
