I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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