420 ftw
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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