you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
