i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize