Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
