All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
