how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize