its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
