Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
