you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
