if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
